Passion Made Not Impossible
a reflection on my dissertation in the MA Screendance programme.
𝗣𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗠𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗜𝗺𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲: 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗦𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗗𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗽𝗼𝗿𝗲 was the title of my paper for the MA Screendance programme and by far one of the most challenging things I've ever done.
Building an entire film production from scratch? Easy.
Managing 100 dancers at 5 AM for a dance scene? I did that before I even turned 20.
Yet, the seemingly simple task of writing a long essay crushed me.
I’ve long felt that I never fit the mold of a “traditionally educated” person - I entered the film industry because of that; I believed my value came from what I could build or create with my hands. Somehow, in my failing secondary school Chinese classes, I remembered the idiom 以劳为荣，舞动人生 (to take labour as your pride, to live a fruitful life) and took that to heart. Entering the MA programme, I was well aware that I would be behind most of my peers, never having obtained an undergraduate degree, and it was possibly pure luck that they had accepted me knowing that.
I never once allowed myself to believe that it was simply people putting their faith in me, and the growth they had hoped to see in me.
Deciding to write a paper for my Final Project marked a turning point in how I saw myself. I was exhausted from believing that I wasn’t capable enough—smart enough—to navigate the unfamiliar terrain of academia. I struggled with feeling like I had nothing valid to contribute—I was neither an experienced choreographer nor an artist offering fresh perspectives. Compared to my classmates, whose work felt significant and innovative, I often saw my efforts lacking purpose or value. It was a daunting comparison that made me question whether there was any point to my work at all.
Yet, this was the same person who, during his time in the Army, devoured every paper on screendance he could find in his spare moments. The same person who was determined to prove that arts research could have a meaningful future in Singapore. My thesis question “Is a screendance practice feasible in Singapore” wasn’t just a scholarly question—it was also a personal reckoning. At its heart, it challenged what I believed about myself and the work that I have done in the past 6 years, as well as the work of my friends and peers whose art I deeply admired, and ultimately, the larger more daunting question: “is there a reason for me to continue this path at all?”
I write this now, six months after graduating, reflecting on how far I’ve come since then. Completing my paper took several extensions, and even now, I’m not entirely satisfied with it. Over the past week, as I’ve been writing and rewriting about myself across various platforms in my attempt to switch paths, I’m reminded of that same struggle.
Back then, I refused to believe in myself the way others believed in me. It’s a question that still lingers: How can I help others create meaningful work when I don’t believe in my own? And I guess, you don’t have to! Don’t believe in yourself! Believe in the people around you who believe in you!
So, here’s to acknowledging some of the successes that came out of my paper, even if it feels unfinished:
Archival Contribution:
I created what might be the first geo-specific record of screendance in Singapore and a pioneering effort to archive screendance in Southeast Asia.Tracing Historical Connections:
With that, I began tracing connections between Singapore’s film history and the “screendance canon.” Some of the earliest films ever made were “dance films,” and some of the first instances of censorship involved dance subjects. This led me to argue that there’s an instinctual fascination with placing dance on screen and that “censorship and dance are two sides of the same coin.”Cultural Heritage Through Screendance:
I explored how screendance could be used as a lens to better understand cultural heritage. If movement reflects time and the mise-en-scène reflects space, then observing trends in both could provide a way to trace cultural history.Screendance for Somatic Media Literacy Development:
I began developing thoughts on how screendance education, as I experienced it at the postgraduate level, differs from traditional filmmaking education. I proposed that integrating a somatic approach could help foster media literacy in younger audiences.Proposing Solutions to Cultivate Singaporean Arts
I proposed ways to cultivate the arts in Singapore, not just screendance, cross-referencing to the current SG Arts Plan and current grassroots and government arts initiatives. By highlighting screendance as a “new” interdisciplinary form, I was able to investigate how “support for screendance development” would also “increase artist capabilities” and be beneficial for a larger arts community.
Amplifying Underrepresented Voices:
My proudest part of the paper, however, is having had the privilege to give a voice to the communities that I had grown up in: the street dance practitioners, whose perspectives are often underrepresented in Arts writing.
With that, I just want to give acknowledgement and thanks to the people that have believed in me throughout the entire experience of this programme.
Omari Carter, my mentor and friend. Your presence in the school made me feel as though I wasn’t alone, especially in a contemporary dance-focused space, speaking to you always made me feel at home.
My lecturers and teachers at LCDS, including Katrina McPherson, Gitta Wigro, Gabi Tropia, Jo Cork, amongst others. Thank you for dealing with me 😅
My classmates, and friends that I have made in LCDS, for having pulled me out of my deep depression and for always checking in on me.
LCDS Student Support staff.
Aru, for always providing a space that I can go back to.
I had originally begun writing this post for LinkedIn, in my new project of daily writing everyday on there but it got too long so I decided to make this a Substack post instead. Hello everyone, it’s been awhile. I’m currently transitioning from full-time freelance work into expanding my practice and seeking work in Arts management, funding and producing, so I thought it may be a time to begin a more professional front! I’m currently seeking for more opportunities in the UK and Europe!
Here is my profile if you’d like to connect!
I hope to write more here soon - no promises! Subscribe anyways! I don’t write enough to spam you!